About change and dominos

En Català

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. – André Breton

I got to know myself a few months ago. And each time I think about it, I realize that in the meantime I have changed so much, that I am again at day zero.
This feeling is kind of challenging and annoying, at the same time.

I consider change as something positive, but at this point I wonder if I will spend my whole life trying to find the place where I feel like home, and the state of mind that pleases me. After this little reflection, I ask to myself:

Is there any need to find this place, this state of mind?
And my brain says: Yes please, enjoy a bit. Stop thinking. Let me rest and have fun.
But my heart replies: No, you should keep on looking for change. This is good, this makes you stronger and wiser.
And you have to keep on searching. And that is amazing, but very, very tiring.

Is that difficult to be happy? Is that difficult to be in peace?
I guess the answer depends on the time of the day. At some point I would say that it is not. It happened many times that I encounter myself feeling as the happiest girl in the world just by playing the guitar, or reading some stuff that I find interesting…

Other times it’s just a pain on the ass, and you feel that you are not where you should be.

And then I change something.

And that wouldn’t be a problem if just with moving one piece, you don’t drop the entire domino. 

But it falls.

This post ends here. The lines below are written in Catalan for those who don't speak English. Feel free to comment about it at the bottom of the page :)

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SOBRE canvis i dominos

 

Tota la vida, el meu cor ha anhelat una cosa que no puc nomenar. – André Breton

Em vaig conèixer fa uns mesos. I cada vegada que penso que ja em conec prou, m’adono que entretant he canviat tant, que torno a estar al dia zero.
Això és emocionant, i empipador a la vegada.

Entenc el canvi com a positiu, però en aquest punt em pregunto: Em passaré la vida intentant trobar un lloc en el qual em sento com a casa, i en un estat d’ànim en què em sento a gust? Just després d’aquesta petita reflexió, em pregunto:

Hi ha alguna necessitat de trobar-lo?
I el meu cervell respon: Siiii, si us plau, deixa que em relaxi, gaudeixi, deixa de pensar.
Però el meu cor diu: No, YOLO I totes aquestes coses,
I segueixes buscant. I això és increïble, però cansa.

Tan difícil és trobar-se en pau? I suposo que la resposta depèn de l’instant en què sorgeix la pregunta. En molts moments diria que no.

Moltes vegades m’he descobert gaudint tocant la guitarra, com si en aquell instant no hi hagués ningú més feliç en aquest món.

D’altres vegades és simplement com un gra al cul, perquè sents que no estàs allà on hauries.

I llavors canvio alguna cosa.

I això no seria un problema si al moure una peça, no fessis caure tot el domino.

Però cau.

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2 Comments

  1. LHE POGUT LLEGUIR DESDE L ANTERIOR POST, PERO L ENLLAÇ DIRECTAMENT DESDE AQUEST POST NO FUNCIONA. De tota manera es real, ens passa a molts. Bona reflexió. El 09/09/2015, a les 0:29, SERENDIPITY IS A WAY OF LIFE va escriure:

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